


Philophobia

by Crazy_Pairing_Person



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Swearing, Triggers, implied alien Keith, that last one depends on how you wanna view his lack of tattoo tho, trigger warning: self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-06 23:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8773681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Pairing_Person/pseuds/Crazy_Pairing_Person
Summary: Philophobia:  Fear of falling in love. -Pidge used to think their tattoo was special. It only had the first name of their soulmate. 'Sendak'. What an interesting name, they'd thought.Interesting. Special. Ha.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In case you didn't read the tags, there is self-harm in this story. Including: Consciously allowing oneself to be in an intense heat and not dressing appropriately (is this self-harm? I think it is), punching a mirror, pinching, scratching, and at one point, putting acid on oneself. (...Please don't do any of these and _especially_ not the last one. If you or anyone you know does any of these, I worry for you/them, I want to cry now, please don't do any of these things please. I adore you I don't know you but you are a sweet human please don't do that. If you like hugs then here, have a virtual one. If you don't, sorry, take some virtual snacks and sweets. Assuming you can eat sweets. If you can't then have a virtual puppy or kitten or fish.)
> 
> In any case, if self-harm content triggers you in any way I don't recommend reading this story. If you still wanna read some sort of Sendak/Pidge story I'll have some softer and mushier ones up soon, I promise. I don't want to be the reason for someone's sadness, panic or anxiety though, so please don't read this one if you feel like you would be triggered by this story in any way.

Pidge never used to be scared.

"My tattoo is special," they'd brag to the other children, their sleeve rolled up and showing off the mark on their left shoulder. "It only has my soulmate's first name."

"What kinda name is 'Sendak'?" the others would ask back, looking confused.

Pidge knew they were just jealous. A special tattoo must have meant a special soulmate, after all. They often fantasized about this 'special' soulmate, wondering about what they would be like.

 _Ha._ Right. 'Special' was one way to put it.

* * *

Pidge didn't have much time to think of their 'special' tattoo for several months. They was too focused on saving their brother, and the universe. Voltron was a full-time job. But one day...

"Shiro?" Allura said, examining his human arm closely. They were all getting ready to do some physical exercises, and in preparation he was wearing a tank top that exposed the tattoo on his upper arm.

"Yes, princess?" Shiro said, tilting his head slightly at her curiosity.

"Why is the name 'Matt Holt' on your arm?"

Shiro blinked. "Alteans don't have soulmate tattoos?"

Allura's confused, blank stare confirmed that. Shiro sighed softly.

"Well..." He didn't seem to know where to begin. He looked around to his teammates for help.

"Humans are born with special tattoos that the name of their soulmate." Pidge pushed their glasses up higher on their nose as they said that. "For example, Shiro's has my brother's name on it. They're soulmates."

"Oh!" Allura beamed at everyone else. "That's so romantic! What about you all? What do your tattoos say?"

"I don't have one," Keith said with a casual shrug.

Lance nearly fell over as he spun to look at Keith. "What?!" His jaw dropped, and he pointed an accusing finger at Keith. "Liar! Everyone has one!"

"Not me."

"But mine has  _your_ name!"

The room went dead silent after that declaration. Keith and Lance stared at each other with wide eyes, both blushing heavily. Allura cleared her throat, and forced a smile to the Green Paladin. "Pidge? What about yours?"

Pidge smirked. "Well,  _mine_ says-"

...Sendak. Pidge's smirk dropped.

Oh god. No. No, no, no. Their soulmate could  _not_ be an evil alien who had  _kidnapped_ their brother.

"No," they whispered, horror clear on their face. Their stomach churned, their knees shook. They turned and ran from the room, ignoring the concerned calls from their friends.

They slammed into the bathroom, and locked the door behind themself. They stumbled over to the sink, and gripped the sides tightly, and forced themself to look up at their reflection. They counted slowly to ten, and tugged their sleeve up just enough to look at the tattoo.

 _Sendak_.

No.

"It can't be right." Their stomach churned, and helplessly they leaned over the sink and emptied the contents of their stomach. Their throat burned, their eyes burned. They sobbed, and gagged, and threw up again. "C- _can't_ be r-right."

Pidge wouldn't  _let_ that tattoo be right. They would  _not_ be with Sendak, romantically or otherwise. They staggered back, and turned to unlock the door. They went back to the training room slowly, to find everyone talking in hushed, worried tones. They looked up upon hearing Pidge's entrance.

"I threw up," they mumbled. They hoped their friends could consider that an adequate excuse and they could all get back to exercising.

Everyone else looked at each other. It was clear that they didn't think that it was the whole reason for Pidge running out. But they seemed to take Pidge's word anyway. "Are you okay to keep training?" Shiro asked gently.

Pidge nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine."

No one looked like they wanted to believe Pidge, but since they wasn't offering anything up they all just let Pidge go on with the rest of them. They went on to a treadmill-like Altean machine, and pretended not to notice the concerned glances they was getting every ten seconds.

No one talked about tattoos again for a while after that.

* * *

"Pidge, don't you want to put on like, a tank top or something?" Shiro asked gently.

The planet was like a goddamn oven. Pidge's face was flushed and they was sweating so much that they had hoarded a bunch of water bottles to keep their hydration up. But they would  _not_ put on a tank top or a short-sleeved shirt. That ran the risk of revealing their tattoo.  _Hell to the no_.

"I'm fine, thanks," Pidge said. The words took a lot of their remaining energy to say, and they opened another water bottle. They chugged down the whole thing at once, and Shiro looked concerned.

Everyone else had changed into cooler clothes as soon as their Paladin duties were done on this planet. Since the people had wanted to thank them, of course, they had to stay. But Pidge just wanted to leave. They could feel themself getting woozy. Allura needed to  _wrap this up_.

They saw dark spots in their vision, and they swayed slightly. They looked for another water bottle, but what little they could still see was blurring together. They heard Shiro calling their name, and then, darkness.

...They woke up in their room. They still wore their long-sleeved shirt, but there were no blankets. A cold rag sat on their forehead. They turned their head slightly, but someone's gentle hand stopped them. "Don't move. It'll knock the rag off."

"Mh."

Lance turned and got a water bottle. "Sit up," he said softly. Pidge tried, but their arms were like wet noodles. Lance sighed softly, and he nudged his hand under Pidge's back, and helped them sit up. He tilted the bottle to their lips. "Sip. Not too fast."

Pidge obeyed, and licked their lips slowly when Lance took it away. "Thanks," they said, voice hoarse.

"Don't worry about it." He gently laid Pidge back down, and took the rag to dampen it some more. "Sorry you're still in that gross, hot shirt. I can roll up the sleeves if-"

"No." Pidge's objection cut through the air like a knife. Lance froze, looking at them for a moment. Then, he nodded slowly, and placed the now colder rag on Pidge's forehead.

"You should have come inside if you were so hot."

"I needed to stay. I'm a Paladin too."

"But you could have  _died_ , Pidge. Do you know that? Heatstroke isn't a joke, okay?"

Pidge didn't reply. Lance sighed softly. "We're worried, Pidge. You've been acting strange."

"I'm fine."

They wasn't fine. But they couldn't tell Lance the truth.

"Pidge..." Lance looked hurt that Pidge didn't trust him. Pidge felt guilty. It wasn't his fault, he didn't deserve to be kept in the dark. None of them did.

"C-can I talk to Shiro?" Pidge asked softly. "Please?"

Shiro... He may know what to say. Something to make this better.

Lance sighed softly. "Yeah. I'll go get him." He stood, adjusted the rag on Pidge's head, and left.

Within seconds Shiro was there. Pidge would bet anything that everyone was stationed outside their door, just so Pidge couldn't get away with hurting themself if they was left alone.

Shiro sat down in the chair next to Pidge's bed that Lance had just left. He looked at them carefully. "Lance said you wanted to talk to me," he said in a soft voice. Pidge nodded weakly. They forced their left arm up.

"Roll up my sleeve."

Shiro would understand. He would, he had to.

He obeyed the request. His hand froze when Pidge's tattoo was revealed. His hands shook, and he looked to their face slowly. "Is this..."

"Y-yeah." Pidge let their arm drop limply to their side, and looked at Shiro helplessly. "I'm scared, Shiro. I can't fall in love with him. I won't."

"I know you're scared," Shiro said softly. He looked down. "...But is it even possible for you-"

Pidge forced themself to sit up, glaring at Shiro shakily. "Don't  _say_ it. Don't."

"But-"

"Don't!"

Pidge's voice echoed on the walls, the finality in their voice ringing in the air. They took a deep breath, trying to calm themself down. "Please don't."

Shiro took a moment, and then he nodded. "Okay." He still looked like he wanted to say it. And Pidge knew that what he had been about to say was valid.

But that was the  _problem_. It was valid, and that absolutely terrified Pidge. This was why they tried to hide their tattoo. It was why they tried not to think of the name permanently etched into their skin since the moment they was born. If they thought of it, then they'd worry about falling in love with the creature behind that name. Even worse, they would worry that they had no  _choice_ but to fall in love with him.

"Bucket," they said, heaving slightly. In an instant Shiro had a bucket under their head, and Pidge emptied what little was in their stomach. It was mostly just water and bile, to their slight horror. Shiro rubbed their back gently until they were done.

Shiro stood when they were finished. "I'm gonna bring you some food. Is that okay?"

Pidge nodded slightly. "Yeah. Thanks." Before Shiro could leave, they quickly spoke again. "Don't tell anyone."

"I won't."

Pidge sighed softly in relief. They knew that if Shiro said he wouldn't, then he'd keep that promise. Unless it became absolutely necessary, like in a life or death situation, Pidge's secret was safe with him.

* * *

They was trying to get rid of the tattoo.

They knew that, really, that wasn't possible. Even with lasers, this wasn't a normal tattoo, it wouldn't come off with anything. But it didn't stop them from trying.

It started innocently enough. Soap and water. Some weird fruit juice from other planets, but they'd made sure to ask Allura if it was safe for contact with human skin. Some stuff they once used to clean their Lion, but diluted so it wouldn't hurt them.

Then it escalated. Boiling hot water. Fruit juice that made them hallucinate when their skin touched it. A scrub brush that was meant to clean alien metal, not human skin. And the stuff used to clean their Lion, but not diluted one bit. They'd scratch and pinch at the skin around the tattoo until they was bruised and bleeding at that spot. And the tattoo persevered, almost mocking them.

"Pidge, be careful with this," Allura said, handing the vial carefully to them. "Why do you need this anyway? It's very dangerous and if you-"

"It's fine, Allura."

They took the vial of the acid-like substance, and scurried off to their room. The moment the door shut behind them, they rolled up their sleeve to reveal the tattoo. The vial was really tough to be able to hold this acid and not disintegrate. They swallowed thickly as they opened it. They dabbed some onto a rag, and they smelled the burn as it made contact. They took a deep breath, and touched it to the tattoo.

The pain was excruciating. They bit down on their lip and held the rag in place, tears leaking from their eyes. If this didn't get rid of their tattoo, nothing would.

The door opened. "Pidge, I am just not comfo- Oh my goodness Pidge!" Allura gaped at them. "What are you  _doing_?!"

Allura snatched the rag away and tossed it to the ground. Pidge tried to jerk away when Allura picked them up. "Let me go, let me  _go_!" They struggled uselessly in her grasp, kicking and shouting. The acid from the rag still burned despite the rag being nowhere near their arm.  _Good_ , they thought.

"I warned you to be  _careful_ , Pidge! Why would you- What made you- Why?!" Allura couldn't think straight, rushing Pidge to the medbay. Pidge let out an indecipherable screech, and kept on struggling. It was no use, Allura was too strong. But they damn well kept trying.

Pidge was shoved into a medpod, though Allura had to get Coran and Shiro to help keep them in.

When they woke, and stumbled out, everyone was there waiting, concern clear on their faces. "Pidge," Shiro said gently. "Why did you-"

"You goddamn  _know_ why, Shiro." Their knees shook and their lip wobbling. They was almost afraid to ask, "Is it gone?"

"Is what gone?" Allura asked gently. "Pidge, whatever you were trying to get rid of, there were much safer-"

"No! There were not! I have tried everything to get  _rid_ of the damn thing! Do you think I jumped right to acid?! No, I  _dreaded_ using that, but it was my goddamn last hope! Now tell me... Is it gone?"

They rolled up their left sleeve, and closed their eyes.

The silence echoed in their ears. They nearly fell to their knees and they was shaking all over.

"N-no. It's not gone," Keith said softly. Pidge opened their eyes hesitantly, to look and confirm it. Sure enough, Sendak's name was still there.

"No! Goddammit there  _has_ to be a way to get  _rid_ of this!" They sobbed, tears falling freely from their eyes. They looked desperately at everyone else. They all looked back with apologetic expressions, but Pidge would _not_ accept this. "Someone! Please, help me..." They choked on their sobs, a lump in their throat forming.

Hunk stepped forward carefully. "I think you should get some food," he said gently.

Pidge shook their head. "No. No, I will not eat, not until I can get  _rid_ of this! I will  _not_ be with him, I will  _not_ love him, I won't I won't I won't!"

"Pidge, you  _need_ to eat," Shiro said, his voice soft yet stern.

Pidge shook their head frantically, and covered their ears. They shoved their way past everyone else and ran quickly to the nearest bathroom. When they got there they looked into the mirror, shaking.

"I hate this  _stupid_ tattoo," they hissed, and punched at the mirror. Nothing happened, other than their knuckles hurting. "I hate stupid  _Senda_ _k_." Another punch. Nothing. "I hate that I  _have_ this stupid tattoo, saying I'll  _love_ him!" Punch. "How could I  _ever_!  _Love_!  _Him_!"

Each word was punctuated with a punch to the mirror. By the time they was done, their knuckles were bleeding and the mirror barely had a crack. It was fucking  _mocking_ them.  _Mocking_ Pidge, just like their damn tattoo.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door. "Pidge, come out. You should eat." It was Allura. They sighed shakily, and went to open the door. They held out their hand, shaking as they showed Allura their bloody knuckles. Allura bit her lip, and sighed softly. "Let's go bandage you up, then you  _will_ eat something."

Pidge couldn't find the energy to argue or even say 'okay'. They allowed Allura to take their wrist, gently, and they followed her to the medbay once again.

They couldn't be put in a medpod so soon after just being released from one, so the best that could be done was some antibacterial spray and bandages. Hunk was eerily silent as he applied them, and Pidge wasn't sure whether to be grateful or terrified.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Hunk asked softly, his voice trembling. Pidge looked at a wall to avoid having to meet his eyes.

"I don't like thinking about it." They sighed shakily. Their hand was trembling in Hunk's grasp. "I showed Shiro. I thought he'd be able to say, 'Oh, don't worry, it's not set in stone that you'll end up with him'. I needed to hear that. But he didn't say anything like that."

Hunk swallowed, and Pidge knew what he was about to say before his mouth even opened. "Because it... Kinda is set in stone. Romantically or otherwise, Pidge, you're _going_ to love and care for your soulmate _eventually_."

" _Not_ if my soulmate is  _him_ , though." They shook their head. "I won't, okay? I just won't."

"But-"

"I  _won't_."

Their voice had such determination in it that Hunk forced himself to stay quiet. "Okay," he said. "You won't. But you'll eat, right? You need to eat."

Pidge nodded after a moment. "Yeah. Okay."

* * *

A little while later, Coran brought Pidge a small patch to go over their tattoo. It blended easily with their skin the moment it touched, and it was like they never had a tattoo in the first place.

"Thank you," Pidge choked out through their tears. "Thank you so much, thank you thank you thank you!" They grabbed Coran in hug, sobbing desperately.

Technically, they still had their tattoo. But they didn't have to  _see_ it anymore and that was what mattered to them. Out of sight, out of mind. The patch helped a lot, and they was more cheerful.

Over the next several weeks, Pidge was able to focus more on finding their family. They didn't think about getting rid of their tattoo. Didn't worry about being with their - ugh- soulmate. They just thought of being with their brother and father again.

* * *

"I'll find them soon," Pidge murmured to Shiro one day.

"I know you will. We're going to help you."

"And I'll get to be with my brother and father." Pidge smiled softly at the thought, and stretched further out on the couch. "And you'll get to be with your soulmate again."

Shiro gave a soft laugh. "Thank goodness."

Pidge nodded slightly. "...How does it feel?" they asked. "To be separated from your soulmate?"

Shiro hummed at the question. His head tilted up to the ceiling, considering how to answer. "It's like... Half of me is just, gone. I never noticed that empty part of me before I met him, but now that he's gone it's hard for me  _not_ to notice."

"Hm." Pidge closed their eyes. "I'll find them. And you can be whole again."

"I know, Pidge. I know."

* * *

Empty part. Half being gone.

Pidge wondered if they were half-gone.

"I won't notice as long as I don't love him," they murmured to themself. They stared into the darkness of their own room.

But... Having someone who could make you whole. Could they really ever be with anyone else, romantically or platonically, knowing exactly who could make them whole? Knowing that the person they were trying to be with wasn't their true soulmate? Knowing that the person could never make them as whole as their soulmate?

They started trembling at the thought. They wished they hadn't asked.

* * *

Pidge had been kidnapped.

Their eyes blinked open blearily. They was with the Galra. It took a moment for their vision to clear. They tugged experimentally on their hands, but their arms were bound in chains on the wall. They couldn't move.

They looked at the empty room, and their eyes caught on...

...No.

The Galra had taken their patch.

All at once, Pidge started thrashing in their bindings. "Let me go! Let me go! Let me  _go_!"

Their eyes were squeezed shut, and yet tears leaked from them anyway. Sobs came from their throat, and they cried out for help despite knowing that no one would hear. "Someone, let me go! Let me go, somebody come here and help me and  _let me go_!"

The door to the cell opened. Pidge stilled as someone entered.

Sendak's cold gaze fell on them. Pidge shrieked again, and started struggling twice as hard. "Let me go, let me go, let me-"

" _Silence_."

Pidge stopped, and their eyes stayed shut. Their breathing was ragged, and every now and then a sob would come out. But they didn't speak again.

They heard Sendak come closer. They didn't open their eyes. Heard him kneeling down to their eye level. Still didn't open their eyes.

Then they felt him touch their left shoulder. Pidge screamed and started thrashing again, eyes closed. "Don't fucking  _touch_ that! Don't touch me!" His hand fell away, shockingly enough, and Pidge sobbed again. Slowly, their eyes opened, and they looked up to his face.

His eyes were cold as he looked at them. Calculating. Pidge felt a cold, fearful shiver run up their spine.

"Why do you have my name on your body?" Sendak asked, his voice low and dangerous. The way he said it made Pidge feel disgusted with themself.

They bit down on their tongue, and stared down at the floor. They wouldn't tell him. He'd only try to use it for personal gain. He had no right to know of the tattoo, had no right to know that they'd been marked as his since their birth.

"Tell me," Sendak hissed. He grabbed the back of their head and  _yanked_ , forcing Pidge to look at him. They let out a cry. "Tell me why you have my name on you."

Still, Pidge kept their mouth shut.

Sendak growled menacingly, but he released Pidge's hair. He stood, and left the cell. Pidge felt their whole body shaking as the slam of the door echoed against the walls. Soft sobs left their lips.

But Sendak soon came back, a small vial in his hands. "Wh-what's that?" Pidge asked.

"Truth serum. Since you will not tell me what I want to know willingly."

Oh, hell no. Pidge forced their mouth shut, and jerked their head away. Sendak growled again, and squeezed Pidge's wrist tightly in his hand. When they felt something breaking, they cried out in pain, only to have the vial shoved in their mouth. They nearly choked as they was forced to swallow down the liquid.

"Now  _tell_ me. Why do you have my name on you?"

No matter how hard Pidge tried, they couldn't stop themself from opening their mouth.

"It's a soulmate tattoo. Humans are born with the name of their soulmate. And you're apparently my soulmate but I don't  _want_ to love you, I don't want to let myself do that. I'm scared, I don't want to have your name on my skin. Let me go let me go let me-"

A metallic click cut Pidge off, and their arms fell limply at their sides as they looked up at Sendak's face. His yellow eye narrowed, and Pidge felt almost violated as the glowing cyborg eye looked over them. "Leave, before I change my mind."

Pidge managed to stand, and they did as they were told. They ran from the cell, down the hall, and into Shiro's chest.

"Pidge?" Shiro said, looking over them for any injuries. He winced, seeing their swollen wrist. "How did you-"

"Let's just go. Please."

Shiro hesitated a moment, then nodded. "Okay."

* * *

When they got back to the castle, Coran immediately made Pidge another patch. And so they managed to ignore their tattoo once again.

From then on, no one mentioned tattoos if Pidge was in the room. If Keith and Lance were arguing about being soulmates, they'd stop as soon as Pidge came in the room. Shiro didn't answer anymore questions regarding his relationship with Matt, from Pidge or anyone else. Allura didn't ask anymore questions on why humans had the tattoos.

It was clear that they were just doing it out of pity. But all it did was make Pidge feel worse. They wanted to help Keith and Lance sort out their tattoo issue. They wanted to know if there was a different Keith Kogane that Lance was meant to be with, or if the lack of tattoo on Keith's body was a coincidence. They wanted to hear more about Shiro and Matt. It made them more determined to save their family. They wanted to answer any and all of Allura's questions about the tattoos.

Or at the very least they wanted everyone to stop walking on eggshells around them with the topic of soulmates.

But... They also felt sort of grateful. It made it easier for them to just ignore their tattoo. They wasn't completely sure how to feel. So they pretended not to notice everyone's obvious behavior.

* * *

Another planet. Another party they insisted on holding outside rather than in the castle. This place wasn't a giant sauna, though. So Pidge ran no risk of fainting again as they wore their long-sleeved shirt. They had their patch, but they wanted to be safe...

Eventually, all the people started giving Pidge a headache. Not just due to their introverted nature, either. Even Lance and Hunk looked pained as looking at the bright neon colors of the aliens' skin started to give them migraines as well.

Pidge glanced around, and deduced that no one would miss them if they slipped away for a minute or two. They could always come back with some plants or something and say they wanted to look at the flora and fauna of the area. With that in mind, they stepped away, carefully making sure that no one saw them.

As they went through the area, they looked around. There was dark red grass that almost seemed to actually be turning black as the large sun began to set. Pidge wondered if it was actually turning black or if it was some sort of strange shadow. They knelt down, examining it. There wasn't really anything around to cast such a large shadow over the field...

They looked up, hearing footsteps. All at once, their body locked up and they felt themself nearly stop breathing. Sendak stood there, watching them with cold eyes.

"What are you doing here?" they forced themself to ask.

"Galra do not believe in _soulmates_." He sneered at the word. "We do not believe in _love_." He paused, and looked at Pidge, looked at their build carefully. Pidge saw the lack of love, the lack of a  _soul_ behind his gaze. "But perhaps I could find a use for you."

The way he said that made something snap in Pidge. "No!" They stood, fists clenched at their side. "That is _not_ what a soulmate is for! That is not how you should _treat_ your soulmate!"

"I just told you that-"

"I don't care! I won't, I won't let you use me for  _anything_! Soulmate or not I won't let you do that! Never!" Their breathing came in harsh pants. "I will never care for you, I will never love you enough to allow you to do that. So don't you _dare_ even try."

"What  _is_ love, you pathetic little creature?!" Sendak growled, taking a predatory step forward. "What do you _believe_ love is, if it  _exists_ at all?!" Pidge faltered, but didn't back away.

"Love?! You want to know what love is?!" They gave a hollow laugh. "Love is seeing someone and having your day brightened. Caring for them when they're hurt. And if someone hurts them you'd go to the ends of the universe and back to hurt the person who did it. Love is laughing when they laugh, crying when they cry! Love is something you will never, ever understand because  _you_ are a heartless, soulless creature who only knows how to be cruel and vile. You only know how to use people for your own gain, and then if they get in your way, you kill them." Their fists shook at their side, glaring at Sendak. "And that is why I  _refuse_ to fall in love with you. I will never, ever love or care about you. And you will never be able to use my tattoo for your own gain, because it is  _wrong_." Then, they swallowed past a lump in their throat.

The next words on their tongue set off alarms in their head. They knew that what they was about to say wasn't ever going to be possible. But it needed to be said, because if it ever did happen...

"However. If you  _ever_ manage to learn how love truly feels, if you manage to learn how to _properly_ treat your soulmate... Then, and only then, could I possibly fall in love with you." They crossed their arms, glaring at Sendak with absolute venom in their eyes as they tried not to throw up. "Until then, you may as well never bring up any subject related to soulmates, or tattoos, or love. Are we clear?"

He watched them carefully. Still cold, still utterly heartless, he nodded. "Fine then."

And then he turned, and walked away. Pidge turned away as well, shaking. They headed back to the party, barely managing to pick up a couple of orange flowers with purple stems on their way.

When Shiro saw them shaking, he gently guided them back to the castle, no questions asked.

* * *

Pidge ran down the hallway, Shiro at their side. They opened cell after cell, searching for Pidge's family. But so far, every single one had been empty. They heard soldiers coming, searching for them. Shiro opened yet another door. This one wasn't empty, and Pidge ran in to look at the prisoners' faces.

They saw Matt, cowering in the corner with the other prisoners.

"Matt!" Pidge ran to his side.

Matt looked up, blinking slowly. "Shiro? Katie?"

Pidge helped him stand. "Come on, we're gonna get you out of here."

"Katie, what are you doing-"

"I'll explain later, okay! I will, but let's go, okay!" They frantically looked to the door, where Shiro was keeping watch. "They'll be here any minute."

When they got out to the hall, Pidge looked up to Shiro hesitantly. "I'm gonna go look for my dad, if that's okay. I'll call for you if I run into trouble."

Shiro sighed softly, and nodded. "Alright. Be careful."

He began to guide Matt and the others towards the exit. He assured Matt that Pidge would be okay as they turned and headed in the opposite direction. Matt seemed hesitant but listened to Shiro and followed his guidance.

As Pidge opened door after door, they was only finding more and more empty cells. They cursed under their breath. At this rate they would only get caught before finding their father or any other prisoners.

They heard footsteps behind them and they spun around, bayard ready.

Sendak. Again.

"The other cells are  _empty_ ," he said with a growl. "You've released the only prisoners on this ship, Green Paladin. You would be wise to leave before you are captured yourself."

"Why should I believe you?!" they countered.

Sendak growled. "I am doing you a favor by warning you. You can heed me, and leave, or you can ignore me and end up being surrounded by more soldiers than you can handle on your own. Your choice."

He turned, and left. Pidge glanced in the direction of the exit, then in the opposite direction, to the other cells.

They went to the cells.

For a while, only empty cells greeted them. Pidge's hope was lowered with every door opened. But the very idea of trusting Sendak's 'warning' made them sick, so they kept looking.

A hand touched their shoulder. They screamed, and used their bayard to slash at whoever was behind them. The soldier cried out in pain, and fell to the ground. They turned and saw more Galran soldiers approaching, even as the one on the ground writhed in pain.

There were still more cells to search. But... There were too many of them. Pidge knew their own limits, and those soldiers far exceeded them. So they turned and ran towards the exit, hoping they could be faster than the soldiers. They called for Shiro in their comm. "Shiro, Shiro, I-I might n-need some help-"

"I'm on my way," Shiro replied quickly. Pidge sighed softly in relief, just before they felt themself getting shot in their arm. They shrieked, feeling the pain spreading through them, and they tried to cover the wound with a hand, the other one holding their bayard shakily. They kept running, knowing they couldn't even try to fight.

Another shot. They fell to the ground, gasping again. They'd been shot in their leg this time. "Sh-shit," they said, hissing at the pain. They tried to crawl forward. The realization that they should have listened to Sendak's warning shook their very being. They held back the bile that rose in their throat at the thought... Barely.

"Pidge!" Shiro's voice was a damn blessing, even as the steps of the Galran soldiers thundered closer. Pidge felt themself getting picked up, just before they blacked out.

* * *

When Pidge stumbled from the medpod, they were immediately wrapped in a pair of arms. Foreign but familiar. They leaned back to confirm, and nearly sobbed with relief. "Matt, you're okay."

"Me!" Matt gaped at them. "What about you! Ka- Pidge, Shiro's been telling me everything and- Oh my god, don't  _scare_ me like that!"

Pidge only laughed, and wrapped Matt in a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay. So glad I was able to find you..."

* * *

Matt was still stressed out mentally from his time being a prisoner. Having Pidge and Shiro around seemed to calm him sometimes. But a lot of the time he was distant. It was worrying to Pidge, and they just wanted their brother back.

They didn't think about their tattoo for several months after saving Matt. They was too worried about him.

* * *

This planet was peaceful. Allura had suggested stopping for some supplies. Shiro stayed in the castle with Coran and Matt, while Pidge wanted to go and look at the area. Hunk promised to call for them if he, Allura, Keith or Lance needed them.

The area was covered in a vast field, with sparse, small cottages serving as homes and shops for the people. Pidge was picking some of the small plants for later examination. So far they had green-ish looking flowers with white stems that grew in bunches, brown stalks with round bumps, and a plant that had a single, round pink petal and a purple stem that oozed a blue powder. They figured they almost had enough. They looked up to see how far away they'd wandered...

Damn it.

Sendak sat on a large, crystal-like blue rock, staring angrily into the distance. He was either thinking of something unpleasant, or he wanted to punch a cloud.

Pidge took a slow step back. This time, unlike the last few times they'd run into him, he clearly hadn't meant to corner them. So if they just slowly walked away, before he noticed...

"I would put down the brown stalks. You lack the knowledge required to handle those without paralyzing yourself."

...Okay, he'd already noticed. Pidge, recalling the last time they hadn't taken his advice, slowly sat down on the teal, dirt-covered ground and began to put down the brown stalks.

A silence fell. Sendak didn't say anything else. Pidge guessed that if they wanted to, they could walk away. But there was something tugging at their mind, telling them to stay.

 _No. I will not fall for him_ , they thought.  _Offering me advice once or twice does not constitute a relationship. I am not in a Disney fairytale._

They stood, gathering the flowers in their hands. Without a goodbye, they turned to leave.

"Do you not want one of these?"

Pidge turned to see Sendak holding out a sky blue fruit. It was sort of shaped like a larger than normal cherry... And it was almost see through. Like a weird blue glass ball instead of a fruit. They glanced back where they'd come from. Then to the fruit in Sendak's hand.

They remembered what they'd said that time. "If you're trying to trick me into trusting you, you should stop. It won't end well."

Pidge had seen that sort of thing in movies. Conniving, cold-hearted person tricks their soulmate into trusting them and giving them everything. Then the innocent soulmate finds out about their soulmate's scheme and is heartbroken. The evil snake of a person realizes what they've done but it's too late because their soulmate doesn't love them anymore, won't ever trust them again. Those stories never ended well for either party.

...Except that Pidge wasn't so innocent. They knew damn well what Sendak was truly like, knew that he'd only break their heart if they dared trust him the slightest bit.  _Fuck that_.

"It will take a bit more than dumb fruit and half-assed warnings about soldiers - who you probably sent - and supposedly paralyzing brown stuff to get me to trust you, Sendak."

"You put down the stalks, did you not?"

Pidge sputtered, and flushed a dark red. "You- You! Augh!"

Flowers clenched tightly in their hands, and the blue powder from the pink ones staining their fingers, they stormed away. Sendak didn't call their name again.

* * *

After some curiosity, Pidge finally gave in and asked Allura about the fruit Sendak had offered. They just gave a general description, leaving out the fact that Sendak had offered it.

Apparently, the juice was as good as caffeine, though it seemed to not have any sort of the 'crash' effect. And the fruit itself was versatile and could be used in a number of recipes. Thanks to all of that, it was not only rare, but expensive.

The only reason Pidge didn't regret not taking that fruit was that they were sure Sendak had stolen it. Or even killed someone to get it.

Yeah, they didn't regret a damn thing.

* * *

It was a dream. Pidge was sure of that much.

Fog. Fog and darkness surrounded them. A Galran druid stood in front of them, a sneer on her lips.

"You need to stop speaking to him," she said in a low voice. "He is becoming a liability."

There was no question in Pidge's mind who the druid was talking about. "I don't exactly search him out."

"I don't care. If you see him again, you do not speak to him, do not look at him. If he speaks to you, you do not respond. Are we clear?"

The way the druid said it, it just sounded so easy.

...It couldn't have been, though...

"Yes, I understand," they said. The druid nodded, and the dream fell away.

* * *

A routine battle with Galra battleships. No more than five large ones, and at the moment it didn't look like they would need to form Voltron. Nothing seemed off yet.

 _Yet_.

"Hunk! Are you alright?!" Pidge called out to their ally. He'd taken a really hard hit, but thankfully the Yellow Lion was built nice and sturdy. Hunk assured them that he was okay, and Pidge focused back on the battle.

Then, Pidge was hit. The Green Lion shook and Pidge felt its pain searing through their head. They hissed slightly, and almost didn't notice the battleships.

The ships had stopped. Completely.

"What's going on?" Lance asked. He nudged Blue closer, trying to look at the battleships.

"Who cares?!" Keith shouted. "Let's just blow 'em up if they want to stop!"

Then, one ship, the biggest one, moved. It slowly turned to the ship that had hit Pidge... And fired. The ship blew up, and there was collateral damage done to the other ships. And the battle continued, with whoever was piloting the largest ship seemingly not caring that they had just blown up one of their own ships.

"Dude, what the heck?!" Lance screamed into the comms. Pidge winced at the volume. They stared at the biggest ship, and noticed that the other ships weren't trying to hit them anymore. Just everyone else.

"Guys, crowd around me!" they called out. After a moment of hesitation the others did as Pidge had suggested. As they had thought, the shots to their friends slowed as the ships had to either aim more carefully or risk being blown up like the other one had been.

Keeping close, they all formed Voltron. They took out the three smaller battleships thanks to Keith's sword, and the last one...

"Why do you think this one wanted to keep you safe?" Hunk asked to Pidge.

Pidge knew damn well why. They knew who was piloting it, or commanding it or whatever. They hesitated.

"Pidge?" Shiro said, his voice concerned.

They could just dismiss it. And then they would all just destroy the ship and that would be the end of the matter.

"...I don't know."

"We must have some ally on the inside," Keith suggested. The others murmured agreements, and Pidge only stayed silent.

Everyone elected to leave the battleship intact, and they headed back to the castle.

When Pidge got to their room later, they grabbed for a bucket and threw up. They wished they didn't have a tattoo, like Keith. They wished they could just rip off the piece of skin that had that tattoo.

...Oh, now there's an idea.

But everyone would only put them in a medpod again... Then it would be back. They sighed in disappointment. It was true, there really wasn't a way to get rid of the damn thing...

Admitting that made them lean over the bucket and throw up again.

* * *

Lance bumped into a door.

Both he and Keith yelped in pain, cradling their heads. Lance, after a moment, looked at him with bright eyes, forgetting the pain for a moment. Allura and Coran looked at them in slight confusion.

"Keith, why are you in pain?" Allura asked.

Keith didn't reply, glancing away with red cheeks.

"It's a soulmate thing," Lance said. "Once you're in love with your soulmate, you feel any pain that they feel." He grinned at Keith. "You  _are_ my soulmate!"

"Fascinating," Coran murmured. He twisted his mustache, contemplating that.

Pidge stared blankly at their goo. Was that why Sendak had shot at the ship who'd hit them? Did he feel their pain?

But... That would mean...

They stood up from the table. "I'm gonna go work on... A thing," they said softly. As they walked out of the room, they accidentally bumped their shoulder into a wall. They hissed in pain, rubbing at the spot as they walked away.

They did their best not to picture Sendak, rubbing at his shoulder in pain as well.

* * *

"While I am impressed with whatever sorcery you are doing, I must  _request_ that you cease it. Otherwise I'll have to take more drastic measures, and the next time I enter your dreams, I won't be this pleasant."

The Galran druid disappeared from the foggy dreamscape before Pidge could argue that they wasn't doing anything. That Sendak was...

Oh god, Sendak was falling in love with them. On his own.

...Quiznak.

* * *

Pidge decided not to mention Sendak's... Feelings, ugh, to anyone else.

Thing was, they was sure that they would all try to convince them to use this against him. But Pidge didn't like that idea, even if it was Sendak. Nobody, Galra or not, deserved to have their feelings played with. So they kept silent.

* * *

Another battle.

Well, not so much a battle as a search for information. Pidge tapped their knee, and bit their lip, waiting for the files to download. Hunk stood outside the door, keeping an eye out.

While Pidge and Hunk were getting information, Shiro, Keith and Lance were taking out soldiers on the other side of the ship. While sure that none of them would stray this far over, Hunk had insisted on keeping watch. Pidge had readily agreed, knowing the extra support would be needed in the unlikely event that some soldiers came by.

"C'mon, hurry up," they mumbled, glancing at the door. The longer the thing took, the more of a chance there was of being seen.

A hand fell on their shoulder, and they jumped up, bayard already slinging out in attack. They stared down, and shook as Sendak hissed in pain. His cyborg arm rubbed at the part Pidge had touched, a sadly non-robot part of his body. He glanced up at Pidge, not quite glaring but  _confused_.

"You don't need to download  _all_ the files on this computer," he said. He gently - yes, Sendak, _gently_ \- nudged them out of the way. Pidge was in too much of a shock to stop him as he typed in a few things, and guided only the files that were necessary for Pidge to the USB. This made the download go much quicker, and when it was done, he passed it to them, no questions asked.

Pidge stared at in their hand, blankly for a moment. "...Why?"

Sendak tilted his head, and for a moment Pidge forgot that he was an evil, heartless monster. "It is my understanding, based on what you have told me, that soulmates help each other. You said so yourself, that they trust each other and go to ends of the universe to hurt those who have made the other upset."

"I..." Pidge took a moment to reply. "That's only if they fall in love. I'm not going to fall in love with you, and you..."

They trailed off... Right.

"I don't know what love feels like," Sendak said. "As I have mentioned, the Galra do not usually believe in love or soulmates. I've never felt love or heard of it much."

Pidge swallowed past the lump in their throat. "Right."

"But I feel like I am supposed to keep you safe. I know that when you were hurt in battle, many solar cycles ago... I believe I felt it as well. I do not know-"

"S-stop. Please." Pidge's hand clenched tightly around the USB, and they stared down at the floor, shaking. "Just stop."

Sendak took a moment, and nodded. "Very well. I will make certain that you have an easy way out-"

"Go  _away_."

He slipped away, and Pidge found out that there was a back door to the room... No wonder Hunk hadn't noticed his entrance. Pidge opened the front door, and waved the USB with a slight smile. "Got the files we need," they said, hoping their voice wasn't as shaky as they thought it was.

"You okay?" Hunk asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just, let everyone know we'll be there to help with the soldiers in a bit."

Hunk sighed softly, and nodded in agreement. He radioed the others, letting them know they had the USB and would be over there soon. Then he grabbed Pidge's arm and tugged them off.

Pidge's mind raced as they stumbled along with Hunk. Sendak actually... He really...

"S-stop," Pidge mumbled. "Stop that."

"Pidge? What's wrong?" Hunk asked, as he stopped running. Pidge blinked, and shook their head after a moment.

"Nothing. Let's go."

They ran past Hunk, ignoring his questions after that.

* * *

"Impressive, Pidge. How did you manage to get exactly what we needed? Usually we end up with extra files," Allura commented. Pidge swallowed thickly, swiping through the screens.

"Luck, I guess," they said. Allura clearly didn't believe them, but thankfully didn't mention it.

"I'll leave you to your work, then," she said. She left the room with a concerned glance to Pidge.

* * *

"I told you to stop!" The druid's voice rang in Pidge's head, and they fell to their knees at the pain. "I have been diplomatic but it seems that force will be the only way-"

"I'm not  _doing_ anything!" Pidge screamed, holding their head in their hands. "I'm not, okay?! Everything he's doing is of his own volition!"

"Lies!"

"I'm not!"

Pidge sobbed, shaking their head in a desperate attempt to stop the searing pain. "I'm not, alright?! He's- He's falling in love with me! I'm not  _making_ him do it, okay!"

The druid glared at them for a moment, and all at once, the pain stopped. "Love?"

"Yes. Love." Pidge glanced at their shoulder, and rolled up their sleeve. They peeled the patch off of their left shoulder and showed the druid their tattoo. "This is a tattoo that tells the name of my soulmate. I didn't choose him, okay? I never want to fall for him, and I never _made_ him fall for me either." They looked up, trembling. "Just leave me alone."

The druid stared silently, eyes narrowed. Pidge felt dread crawling up their spine.

Then, the dream fell away, and Pidge awoke with a frantic gasp. They stared around their room, panting. Everything was normal. They looked down at their shoulder, and rolled up their sleeve to find the patch still in place.

After a moment's hesitation, they peeled it off. They looked closely at the tattoo. The sight still made them upset... But not as much as it used to. They bit down on their lip.

"I won't fall in love," they said into the darkness. "...I won't."

The words didn't have the determination in them they once had.

...It didn't scare them as much as it probably should have, either.

* * *

Pidge screamed in pain, falling to the ground as they were slashed in their side by a Galran soldier. They held their side, wincing at the blood. Shiro had seen them fall and immediately tried to go help them.

A shriek filled the area, and everyone - Galran soldiers and Paladins alike - froze. Pidge's breath hitched, pinpointing exactly where the scream came from. They saw Sendak, cradling his side several feet away in pain, much in the same way Pidge was cradling theirs.

Judging by the looks on their fellow Paladins' faces, they'd all made the connection. Everyone immediately avoided eye contact with Pidge. None of them realized that Pidge had known for a long while. They winced, looking down at the blood on their side.

"Shiro," they said, breaking the tense silence. "Help..."

Shiro swallowed thickly, and nodded. He came closer, and picked them up gently. The Galran soldiers avoided all eye contact with the Paladins as Shiro carried Pidge back to the castle.

Pidge recalled that they'd essentially ratted Sendak out to a druid. Just before they blacked out, Pidge actually had a moment where they worried for him.

* * *

Upon stumbling out of the medpod, there was a new face among the concerned gazes of their teammates.

"Why is he here?" Pidge asked, pointing at Sendak. Everyone looked at each other, and it was blatantly obvious that no one wanted to be the one to say it.

Finally, Keith spoke up softly. "He was, uh, worried."

"Worried." Pidge snorted, and shook their head. "And you let him into the castle?"

"We were monitoring him the entire time," Lance said. He stepped forward to place a gentle hand on Pidge's shoulder. "Pidge, he's your-"

"I know. I know." Pidge groaned, and covered their face for a moment. Then, they sighed, and stepped over to Sendak. "Here. I'm okay. You satisfied?"

Sendak tilted his head. He stepped closer and leaned down to Pidge's height. He picked up one of Pidge's arms gently in his hands, then the other. He hummed in thought, and then dropped their arms back to their sides. "Yes. You seem to be in adequate condition."

Pidge rolled their eyes and glanced away. "...I need to eat. Is he going to be leaving?"

"I will be leaving your headquarters shortly," Sendak said with a nod. He still seemed to be looking at Pidge, almost appraising. It made them think of the time in the dark red fields. Except he was standing much closer. And... They could almost see a soul in his gaze, if they let themself look for it.

And they had witnesses. Pidge turned a deep red and grabbed at Matt's hand. "I'm going to eat. C'mon Matt."

* * *

Apparently, Pidge and Sendak had different definitions of 'shortly'.

He stayed a long while. He was always accompanied by someone, but Pidge just... They weren't sure whether to trust him or not.

On the one hand, he was their soulmate. And he was in love with them. Pidge actively tested that by 'accidentally' hurting themself whenever he was near. Bumping their head on the wall, falling out of their chair, hitting their elbow on the table. Every single time he would be hurt in the same spot. Pidge had no _real_ reason not to trust him.

"Do you think I'm being dumb?" they asked Matt. They leaned against the back of the couch, barely paying any attention to the book in their hands.

"I mean, not really. Soulmate or not he's a Galra." Matt shrugged a bit. "But, I mean... If he's actually in love with you..."

"He doesn't know how to act when he's in love." Pidge snorted, turning a page. They glanced at Matt's face briefly. "He said so himself."

Matt nodded, a bit of a smirk on his face. "Yeah, that's true. But..." He frowned, and gently took Pidge's book away. "Well, do you think he's willing to learn?"

Pidge blinked. They glanced at their now empty hands, contemplating that for a moment. "Maybe?"

"Why don't you ask?"

* * *

Sendak tilted his head at Pidge. "You would teach me?" It was clear that he was amazed at this offer.

"I... Yeah?" Pidge faltered, and glanced away from him. Their stomach churned, and alarms rang like crazy in their mind. "Don't misunderstand me. I don't love you back," they said quickly, and scowled at the thought.

"I understand." Sendak nodded. "I have not yet earned that."

Pidge sighed softly, and crossed their arms. They glared at him, standing firm. "I don't think there's anything you _could_ do to earn it."

"But I can still love you, even if you don't love me, right?"

"I... I guess so..." Pidge blinked. They hadn't... Expected that sort of question. It almost made them feel... Warm, almost.

Sendak nodded, seeming to consider this for a moment. "So how do I love you, then?"

Pidge cleared their throat, glancing away. "Well, you..." They tapped their fingers together, not looking at him. "I mean, obviously, you..." They trailed off. What _would_ Sendak have to do to show his love? They hummed a song to try and stall, panicking more with every moment that passed.

"Are you alright?" Sendak blinked down at them. "Did I do something wrong?"

Pidge internally screamed, and covered their face with a hand. "No, I'm fine. I... I just, honestly have no idea how someone acts when they're in love."

"You seemed to have a good grasp on it before. Do you have amnesia?" Sendak brought a hand to touch at Pidge's head, a concerned frown on his face.

Wait, concerned? ...Ugh, it was taking them a while to get used to this.

Pidge batted his hand away and shook their head. "No, I'm fine. I just know, like, the sappy stuff. Stuff in dumb books and movies. I don't know more than that." They winced. "Sorry."

"It's more knowledge than I have," Sendak said, "so I think it's okay."

"Y-yeah." Pidge nodded slowly, and started to back away. They swallowed thickly, and felt themself beginning to sweat. "I'm just gonna..." No matter how they tried, they couldn't find a way to end that sentence. After a moment of silence, Pidge turned and walked away.

* * *

"Pidge, he's willing to do anything you ask!" Lance looked at them in slight amazement. "How are you not  _using_ that?"

Pidge shook their head as they swallowed the food goo. "No, Lance. I don't want to do that. I'm not that sort of person."

"While I do think that it is admirable of you, Pidge, I also think that you could use this..." Allura's eyes twinkled with a sort of mischievous excitement. "You could use it in a way that both proves his dedication, and would benefit all of us."

Pidge considered that. It was clear to everyone at the table what Allura meant. Pidge felt six pairs of eyes falling on them, waiting to hear their decision.

"I... Yeah, I see what you mean..."

Keith entered the dining room with Sendak at his side. He'd ended up with 'watching duty'. The two of them blinked when everyone else turned to look at Sendak.

"Sendak," Pidge said, "I've decided what you can do to show your feelings for me."

* * *

"Do you think he'll really do it?" Lance whispered to Pidge. He, Pidge and Hunk all watched from a vantage point, ready to use their bayards if things went south. Pidge double-checked their cloaking devices instead of replying. It wouldn't be very good if they were detected.

From this point, they saw Zarkon sitting on his large, intimidating throne. Pidge hoped Sendak could do his job before the cloaking devices ran out.

Just as they thought this, Sendak entered the room. They all heard the brief conversation through the comm that he'd been given.

"Commander Sendak. I was under the impression that you had defected."

"I could never, Lord Zarkon. I was merely kidnapped, but as you can see, I've escaped unharmed."

Sendak's cyborg arm stretched out, under the simple guise of showing his lack of injuries. Pidge watched with bated breath as Zarkon inspected him.

"So you have. But it took you so long... I wonder if you're really cu-"

Zarkon was cut off with a gasp as Sendak's arm grabbed him around the torso and squeezed tightly. Sendak flung Zarkon around, keeping his grip tight.

Pidge knew Zarkon wouldn't have had his weapon on him. That was why they had agreed to attack while he was in his throne room. Sendak had said that he kept his black bayard under lock and key unless he was specifically going to fight someone himself. And Zarkon wouldn't have expected Sendak to attack him...

Pidge, Lance and Hunk watched with wide eyes as Sendak flung Zarkon around like a toy, bashing him on walls and the floor. Finally, he dropped him, and examined his body before motioning for the three Paladins to come check. With uncertain glances to each other, they all made their way down to the ground where Sendak stood over Zarkon's unconscious body.

Pidge hesitated a moment before turning off their cloaking devices. All three stood with their bayards ready, in case Sendak really had tricked them somehow. Still Zarkon didn't move, and Pidge moved closer, kneeling down to check for a pulse or a breath.

Nothing.

"He's actually dead," they said dazedly, standing up slowly. Lance and Hunk came over, and checked for themselves. Lance turned on his comm, contacting Shiro, Keith and Allura.

"H-he did it," he said, still staring at Zarkon's unmoving body. "Sendak killed him." A moment passed, and he nodded. "Right. We'll be there in a minute."

The three glanced at Sendak. Pidge turned on their comm. "Um, is Sendak coming?"

"Well, considering we would have been fighting for much longer without him... Sure," Shiro said. "Bring him."

Pidge nodded, and reached to touch Sendak's non-cyborg arm. "C'mon. You're coming with us."

* * *

"I feel like I've grown a lot," Pidge said, looking at themself. They stared at their hands for a moment, then touched at the ends of their hair. "My hair's growing too." It brushed their shoulders, just barely. They sighed softly, and looked at Sendak, who stood at the door, looking at Pidge's room. "How long has it been? Since I've been in space?"

"I don't know." Sendak shrugged a little. Pidge nodded slightly and looked at their lap. "What do I do now? Is there something else I do to show you my feelings?"

Pidge looked up at him again. They took a moment to reply. "N-no. You've done enough, I think."

"Now what?"

"N-now? Now..." Pidge bit their lip. "I never found my father," they said softly.

"I looked for him," Sendak said quickly. "He..."

Pidge swallowed thickly, understanding what Sendak was about to say. "Oh. I see..." They stood, tears coming to their eyes. "I should go tell Matt." They pushed past Sendak, not meeting his gaze. "Thanks for looking."

Sendak might have replied, but Pidge didn't hear him. They ran down the hall, trying to hide the tears that ran down their face.

* * *

Pidge turned a page in the book they were reading, leaning up against Sendak's arm. "Allura should have the energy needed to make a wormhole back to earth soon," they said. They bit their lip, gathering their courage. "Would you like to come to earth with me?"

"Is that what I should do? Since I love you?"

Pidge blushed a dark red. "I mean, you don't have to. But I think my mom would want to meet my soulmate." They gave a soft, shaking sigh. Their heart thudded in their chest. "But you don't have to."

Sendak was silent, and brushed his claws slowly through Pidge's hair. "Would I get to stay with you?"

"If you want to stay, then yeah."

"Then I will stay."

Pidge swallowed thickly past the lump in their throat. They wiped at their eye, and sniffled. "Okay."

Sendak pulled back and let Pidge lay down in his lap. He frowned down at them.  _A soul_. There was a soul in his eyes, a heart.

"Did I do something? Why are you crying?"

Pidge took a deep breath. "I-I'm scared, Sendak. I... I think I l-love you, and that s-scares me."

Sendak hummed, brushing some of Pidge's hair from their face. "I love you as well. And I'm scared. We can be scared together." He touched Pidge's hand gently with his flesh and blood hand, watching them closely. "Okay?"

Pidge nodded after a moment. "Y-yeah. Okay." They leaned against him, shaking.

Eventually, as he stroked their hand soothingly, they felt themself begin to relax.

* * *

Pidge watched as their mom talked to Sendak, asking question after question to him. They looked around, feeling a warmth in their chest as they realized how much they'd missed this home. They looked back at Sendak, a small smile on their face.

"Now, on the subject on how your species deals with sex-"

" _Mom_!"

* * *

The kids Pidge used to talk to about their tattoo were fascinated when they met Sendak. They asked him all sorts of questions, though they didn't go as in-depth as Pidge's mother had. Pidge watched, pride on their face as they held their soulmate's hand in their own.

"Geez, guess you were right," one girl said, smirking as she brushed dark hair from her eyes. "Your soulmate really is special, huh?"

Pidge grinned, looking up at Sendak for a moment. They let out a soft laugh, and nodded, looking back at the girl.

"Yeah. Special."


End file.
